Everything's under control. Situation normal.
We had a slight equipment malfunction, but everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here.
Okay, okay, the webmistress bricked the website, and then discovered that the backwend we were using will no longer be supported going forward.
YAY. SO MUCH YAY.
Sorry, did I splatter some sarcasm on you? My bad.
For now, please visit us at Sharp Pointy Things while I frantically work to get this site back up and running.
Thank you for your patience.